Sorry, I just had to share that. I have not harmed myself since that day. I am supposed be under mental health care, only since no income, only my daughter's benefit SSA from her dad's death, is only income, so I had to cease from mental health, could not pay the fee.

Mott, thanks for the photo therapy! This helps me relax when I am jittery and anxious, seeing these photos is medicine in itself! When I was first brought to the state hospital by police, I was frisked and some device was ran over my body. Then I had to have an exam and then led to what would be my room for next month and half. I remember laying across the small bed, crying bitter tears. I was 44 and never been away from home for any lengh of time and having to leave my 15 year old daughter behind was more than I could bear. I finally adapted to my confinment in the best way I knew how, by writing poems and testimonials. I would lose myself in my writings. Of course they only let me use a felt marker, no pens or pencils were allowed. then I lied to my shrink that I was all better so I could go home to my child. When I got home, noone was around, as my child was staying with a relative. I went into my bathroom, grabbed the metal bath grab bar and with its ragged edge, I cut my left arm up and down until the blood started flowing into the tub drain. then I came to my senses and agonized at what I had done. I made mincemeat out of my arm and have scars to this day. I was really messed up from all those drugs that my shrink had administered to me. I was in a daze half the time I was inside the hospital, only sometimes I could enoy activities. I wished I had not lied to get out and I would not have cut myself so bad.. I still experince severe anxiety to the point I have be taken to ER by my daughter so I would not harm myself. It is a rough road to be sure and one day I will get better. I have that hope and this site of Motts helps in profound ways. Just keep up this site!

When I was hospitalized, we were eating lunch, males and females were allowed to eat together. the windows in the cafeteria had mesh bars over them, and this one dude became violent while in the activiy patio, and the staff locked him outside in the small caged enclosure, and he cried and tried break the windows to enter the cafeteria, only the mesh was what kept him from breaking the windows. I felt rather sorry for this man, here we were enjoying our lunch and he was locked within that cage. Kind of shocked me.

some once told me that a mental hospital was a jail for the mentally ill. I guess because they have to be so confined and locked in a secure environment.

Oh, of course without soap, i would have to douse myself with as much anti-persperiant to make me smell good!!

In the female bath, we did have privacy, however, the doors to the toilet stalls did not have any handles, and the shower stalls only had plastic shower curtains. I always was unfortunate to get the shower with the cold water and no soap in the despenser. Why? because the others always beat me to the good showers. At least with my cold water shower, I was more "bright-eyed-bushy-tailed, then the others!! <laughter>

I know this, it was lights out at 11:00 sharp, and they locked us in our rooms, sometimes three to a room, and then wake-up call at 5:00 sharp. They would lock us out of our rooms until about 11 that morning, and then we were allowed back into our rooms to lay around, read, or write or communicate with our roommates. I played basketball and did art work. I could not go to music therapy because of my being deaf. I am thankful that we were not always locked in our rooms. Only at night.

Bri, I stated the very same thing almost in the pix before this one, or maybe the one before that, anyway, these rooms would be hazardous to a suicidal patient. I was put on suicidal watch and they had me under lock and key constanly and I could not get out of any staff member. I was not allowed any pens with metal tips and or even plastic eating utensils, only a plastic spoon. So, I feel this mesh had to be for unruly patients. I know I was threatened to be sent to an isolation cell if I had not ceased from my psychotic breaks, though minor compared to some that was housed with me.

seems to me that the wire or iorn ( what is this stuff made of? ) mesh could cause someone to hurt themselves if they were to have a severe psychotoic break. I mean they could put their fingers through the mesh and really do some damage to their fingers. maybe I am wrong, at least i hope I am in error.

At the hospital I was committed to, I was sitting on once of the many plain couches when a commotion started, and one of the new patients had a psychotic moment and she took her fists and banged the nurses' station that separated the men from the female sections and shattered glass everywhere, and it is told that the glass was supposed to be safety-glass. Then they decided they may have to place wire mesh protection around the glass of the nurses' station. I did scare me bad, because I just knew she (the one who was having a psychotic break was going to come after the rest of us patients. So, I feel these wire meshes not only keeps patients confined, but for added protection. What if glass shards had hit one of the nurses in the eye, that would have been so bad. I just wanted to share my thoughts, sorry if no sound well.

This is a beautiful hospital! Is it made on the order of a Kirkbride or is it a genuine Kirk? It is awesome nonetheless.

that fireplace is so unique and awesome! Whoever created it had some kind of talent and put alot of feeling within the creation.
Now days, at leats the state hospital I was in, they have centural heating and cooling now, and no such elabrate works of art as this fireplace.

Hello, my name is DeafAngel...I am a Mottsaholic....
"Hello DeafAngel!"
Do they have an MA (Mottsaholic Annonamous) around here?

Thank you, Tony, for sharing that link to Rob Dobie's site!!!

I visited the site of the New England Ruins that Tony shared, and he does good work. Only thing, he does not give any description relating to the pix and no comment section. If he had done that, his pix could have come alive same as Motts! I still prefer Motts over others!

could it be that they had a children's ward in this place? If so, then that maybe why that small toy is located here. of course, it could be a model that someone that was toruing this place left behind. I think it adds a nice contrast to the background.

Oh, yeah, thanks to Motts and others like him, these places are being preserved in another way...photography...and he risks his freedom and his health to bring people like us these awesome photos to share. Thanks alot Motts for sharing.

This is a pretty pix. Those windows are awesome. It saddens me that vandals could obliterate this picturesque scene in no time. I wish there was a way to preserve these old institutions and make like a museum and as I mentioned before, a skit or drama and charge addmition to tour the place. That would also bring money into the city...I think. I am not very well in knowledge of such things, but that is how I feel.

Motts, you named that pix right...it seems as if those stairs would take one right into heaven's realm! Good work!

Talking about caps...soon I may have to use caps if I am to keep typing, because having to use my sight to listen puts strain on my eyes and using caps sometimes relieves the strain, so far, I can get by with regular caps. However, a friend of mine is got bad eyesight and loves sites like this, only the one time she commented to a topic, someone, like above, lashed out at her for using caps. Sad to say, she never goes in these sites or comments no more for fear of making someone feel ill at ease for her caps. I think caps are a pretty type though and easier to read!

And I would love for her to come into this site, however, she will not comment. She would love Motts photos, that is for sure!

I may be mental, however, I do know this is a light fixture....it is right? <giggle, hicup, hicup>

<giggle> you guys crack me up about this soap dispenser thing! That would have be one gob of liquid soap to come out of that dispenser!! They wanted people spic and span!

That sketer looks like he may be hungry or plain out thirsty for whatever is in that fridge. Is that actual size of that sketer? If so, i prefer where I am in southwest Georgia, because our sketers are tiny but can lay a bite! Now, gnats, we are always waving gnats away from our faces in our neck of the woods, and many strangers that come traveling by thinks we the most friendly town because of all the waving we do!! So I guess one can say that the gnats makes us very hospitable! This is one kewl shot!

Please forgive me of my typos. I cannot spell correctly sometimes.

I like watching movies that are of hauntings and old fashioned ghost stories. I do not know how I truly feel about death. I have had close encounters with death...my mom in 1998, my dad in 2000, and my husband in 2001, and even the death of my hearing in 1999. Death is not pretty at all, and it can have multiude of emotions. Detah can also have its humorous episodes as the case of my mom. She was late to her own funeral because the hearst driver got confsued and went to the wrong church or something. I like visiting old abandoned places shuch as these photos of Motts, not to gawk, but out of deep respect for the people who used to be housed in these places. They had wants and desires same as us, and since I was locked up for a time in a state hospital, I can well imagine what went through many patients' minds. My main questions was, "would I ever get well enough to leave?"

I do not believe in ghosts and or hauntings, however, I just like sacring myself silly, so I pretend there are haunts, however, how do I know what is on the other side of us in this spectual plane. Respect and awe is what it all means to me. Many people have their own opinons and ideas and perspectives. However, thinking that death is cool is not my cup of cola. I repesct it because sooner or later, we all have to face that portal when our time comes. In the mean time, I like living and visiting places...in pix only...like these of Motts here on his sites! It keeps theses places alive!!! Sorry, this is just me and my thinking!